Ever since I’ve had the  BMW R1150RT It’s been prone to “pinking”, i.e. pre-detonation where the petrol ignites before it should. It sounds like stones rattling on the front of the bike and it can damage the engine. In the early days I took it back to Coopers of Tunbridge Wells, the dealers where I bought it, you remember them, and they balanced the throttle valves and advised me to change my riding style. This reduced it but it never fully went away.

Just recently I took it in to Hastings Motorcycles for new tires and a 24,000 mile service. One of the things I asked for was adjusting the tappets.

When I picked up the bike they said that they had checked the tappets and “surprisingly” they did need adjustment.

And low and behold I now have what appears to be a new bike, there is no pinking at all.

Now this may seem like more Coopers bashing but why the hell didn’t they check this before they sold it to me, it was second hand but buying even a second hand BMW from a dealer is not cheap. Dealers have the equipment, the skills and one would assume greater knowledge of the marque they are selling than anyone else but they appear to not give a shit.

To be honest I have only myself to blame; in my early twenties I read “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” and it warns against motorcycle dealers, particularly mechanics (and, as I recall, all people) who don’t care about the quality of what they do. I have still got this touching faith that most people are not like that but slowly I am being proved wrong.

Engine after service by modern commercial mechanic

A word to the wise brought to you by a completly fictional parable in which a man with a extra large windscreen on his BMW touring bike gets into a race with a very nice looking custom Vaxhall on the M11. The mistake this completely fictional character made was trying to raise his windscreen at 110 mph. This fictional man now has a dent in his bank account.

Naturally, being a completly made up story, he won the race!

One of the reasons I don’t “do” politics here usually is that it’s such a complex subject and as I get older I’m wary of the semantic straw men we use in place of thought, it also doesn’t get the laughs. I’m also leaning towards the opinion that any discussion deals mainly with the psychology of the participants and the shared pretence that “facts” are involved is moral cowardice. Surely the one thing the internet has shown us is that there is so much knowledge swilling around that anyone trumpeting their grasp of a situation is, er, a self deluded liar.

One other reason I have is that few people seem that interested and almost nobody is interested in solutions beyond bashing each other with their ignorant “pick and mix” tribal beliefs.

Fast becoming a core belief with me is the concept of “always being wrong”. I am. I have changed my mind over thing so many time throughout my life I am amazed that people can keep the same views for more than a few years, and they do. Why?

Then I realised, there are two reason to gain knowledge, 1: find out something new, 2: validate a held view.

This brings us back to all conversation being about personal psychology. The first reason requires confidence the second is an admission of fear.

I know which I prefer, and you?

One of these is a politician, clue: it’s not the one with a pocket watch.

One of those rides today when everything comes together, the sun shines, the engine thuds melodically, I sit there enjoying the big sky immersed in the passing scenery. Most days motorcycling is good, some days it can be just a transport chore but occasionally it’s a magic carpet ride through a glorious film set!

Nature contemplates my carbon footprint

Got home Sunday evening to find a message on the answer phone from Saturday morning to the effect that the BMW was ready and that I could pick it up right away, doh! Went to get it Monday morning. I cannot deny that having back made me feel a little less annoyed with Coopers, the dealers, and I am relieved that I bought from a dealer as I now have a new gearbox that if I’d have bought privately would have cost a fortune, but…

When dealing with the Service Manager the impression is constantly that you are an irritation in his day, he said about 20 words to me, only mentioning as an aside that I had a new gearbox, no attempt to explain what had gone wrong, said “you’ll have to do a gearbox oil change in 600 miles” not even offering it as a dealer service if I pay! In the end what can I say, if you want a BMW around these parts they are the dealer with an almost natural monopoly, why should this man in any way treat the customer with respect? It’s a strange thing that many people seem to view treating others with kindness and consideration as demeaning and communicating beyond shrugs as effort…

And oh yes, the bikes going brilliantly.

Looking for Coopers customer care policy.

Coopers BMW of Tunbridge Wells continue to re-define the concept of customer service. It’s now three weeks since they said “the parts will take 5 days to come from Germany”. I have heard nothing, not a call to keep me informed, just silence. Surprisingly they send occasional marketing material and the odd survey to gauge my “experience” of Coopers so one department of their business is on the ball. The service department feel that leaving customers hanging in the wind and looking foolish is the proper way to do business, after all the reputation of Coopers is none of their concern, that’s the marketing team remit! I never thought I’d feel sorry for marketing people but it must be soul destroying to be trying your best knowing that day in and day out others in the business are creating the impression that the defining characteristic of Coopers is disdain for the customer.

It’s not a BMW so it's working!

Went to pick up the loan bike yesterday. Was shown my BM in bits; the damage is fairly extensive around the clutch/gearbox area. They think the gear box is a replacement that has not been fitted well. This is worrying as the bike had only done 9000 miles when I bought it from them. It will take 5 days for spares to come from Germany then they have to be fitted, on their current track record I would be surprised if I saw it back within the fortnight.

The loan bike is a 650 “semi-trials” machine without any kind of fairing. It weighs almost nothing and after my initial wobbling ride I realised that this could be “top fun” – as you ride you can feel youthful hooliganism crawling from a long buried teenage subconscious. It’s half the power of my bike but this is unnoticeable in normal town riding where all it’s 50 horsepower has to do is propel a fat guy and a few bits of steel about. Anything over 60 is pointless due to wind pressure, under that it shoots forward like pips from an orange when the throttles opened.

Patrick pontificating on how crap the small BMW is at this mornings sunny breakfast.

Well, Steve at Coopers didn’t call this morning, I had to call them late this afternoon. The story I got was “I had yesterday off and when I got in this morning they hadn’t started to strip the bike down so as there was no news I didn’t call” He said that they had now started the strip-down and that I could have a loan bike the next morning. In these situations it’s always difficult to know what to say as I’m a bit of a timid bloke when it comes to complaining. There are rarely “bad people” involved and “Steve” sounds like an “okay” kind of guy, also he’s on the mechanical/services side of things but… Customer service is about reassurance and communication, the feeling here is, possibly wrongly, that there was a lot of “care” pre-sale but now it is all a bit haphazard. There is a sense that there are no, to use a modern phrase, business processes in place to keep a disappointed customer on board and reduce the inevitable bad-mouthing that a less than optimum experience creates. I would not be surprised by this level of service from the local man in a shed but BMW? And as the local motorcycle garage is Hastings Motorcycles, a small family firm, who give great, friendly service I find myself comparing the two…

This Seagull does not own a motorcycle.

Last Sunday my BMW R1150RT died in Rye, the sound of mechanical sickness emanating from the clutch/gearbox area. Fortunately I had kept the Sunday Times with me so the wait for the AA sponsored bike recovery vehicle was bearable. I ended up parked in the car park of V-Twin Custom Cycles. They had a rather unnerving sign in the door; “Parking for Harleys, all other bikes crunched”. The owners actually turned up and were as nice as pie, offering facilities and giving me bottled water, it almost made me regret not having a Harley!

Next day BMW recovery took it to the dealers I had bought it from (BMW approved used) a four or five months ago, Coopers of Tunbridge Wells.

I phoned up to check it was there and was told they’d get to it as soon as possible but they were “busy”. Okay I thought, play the nice guy. A week later they had not got back to me. Very disappointing and not the reason you get a BMW. Even used ones are not cheap and the dealers don’t “do deals”, but you get them for, amongst other things, reliability and service. I really like the bike and it’s a lot more enjoyable to ride than the Pan European it replaced but the Pan never let me down in 72,000 miles.

I’ve phoned Coopers this morning and got “Steve” in service who said that the BMW was due to be stripped down tomorrow morning to ascertain the extend of the damage and he would, “without fail” call me Wednesday morning. The possibility of a courtesy bike was mentioned. I hope things now run smoothly, whatever happens I will report back here.

It looks good stationary, which is lucky under the circumstances!